The Other Mary

The feeling of incredulity was an understatement the first time MaryMJ visited. It was however with a different Mary whom I first encountered visitation of something/someone not in my realm of background or interest. I have no words to describe how left of field these experiences were so I'll give a little background and maybe, just maybe, there is something helpful to others in these words.

There is no way to 'go around' or dismiss the religious icon connection these visiting energies represent. And have to say, it has been the most mind bending part for me. Firstly, I consider myself Christian. It was, unexpectedly, the Dali Lama who brought me back. But this is a story of another time, my journey back to my birth, faith and what it is that shaped my foundation of experiences. The long and short is that I am not a Catholic or had any known connection to the Catholic faith. I have no aversion to Catholicism in any way or any thought about it per se. But here we are.

Over the years with a life rich in experiences as anyone would be, having travelled over fifty years on this planet. By the time 2012 came around I had gained much in understanding of the energy we live within the fundamentals of our belief through history and time. I will never consider myself an expert or a theologian or set in my belief. Neither am I perfect or in anyway different from others walking as we journey together. Plus I don't need anyone to believe my experience or the understanding I draw from them. I feel as ordinary as anyone, challenged with the same challenges that we all face from time to time.

If your first thought is that this experience because of the circumstance was generated by something Evil or the like. That Satan will lie and do stuff that makes me think it is something good when it is not. Then I ask, kindly, those who go there to for this moment stop reading and go about your day or suspend that thinking for a moment and read on. I do not ask for your belief, I ask you to consider trust. Trust that I understand such things, have taken steps in the years since to explore such and that I only share as a truth that is as it is.

Saying that the day Mary McKillop manifested into my car, was an experience that was a bit of a head turner for me. The following is from some notes written down. In preparing this blog, to this day, this experience offers insights and support where even now gives me connection to past questions and possible answers.

The Door is Opened

At this time I was in an emotionally broken, devastated state. I wasn't looking for answers as I had no questions. I was just going through, one moment at a time. I felt something deep that I didn't understand, and without the understanding of this deep thing, I knew that I knew nothing, needed nothing. I didn't understand what I needed. In this way I had no question to ask for what I needed.

I felt shattered, at this time, as if to dust and the dust was suspended in the air with no substance, no form. Yet, it was as if, I could feel each individual particle of dust simultaneously but remaining separate without form. In this state I found myself drawn into the Catholic Shrine that used to be in the center of Toowoomba. Entering this space, I didn't know what to do, what to say, what was expected as a person who sits in a shrine. I was drawn directly to the front row seats facing I have no idea what. I felt out of place, there were other people there who seemed more at ease with what they were doing but I have no idea. I had no idea why I was there or what to do, I felt a bit of a fraud in that moment. I just knew I needed to be there.

The Shrine, Ruthven Street Toowoomba now demolished

The solace of the sanctuary of the Shrine was like balm. I felt my being come to equilibrium, a peace in a sense and tears gashed out, the emotion held inside just flowed.  So I prayed no particular way just with honesty and abject surrender for nothing in particular. It flowed until it stopped and I left. I was drawn to the Shrine at least three times over three months. Same, same each time - Solace, surrender, flow, stop, leave.

Each time I found the balm of solace encapsulate me. To this day I don't know whom the shrine was to, if at all or anything. Though the Shrine was dismantled and completely de consecrated a few years ago, I am forever grateful for it being there at that time. Whatever relic housed there, whatever purpose, whatever intention.

Around this time, while driving home in the late autumn afternoon back from Toowoomba. I became aware of a presence beside me, not only beside me but sitting in the passenger seat beside me. I was negotiating a right hand turn into our driveway at the time. As I came out of the turn, I sort of side looked. There was a nun in a brown habit sitting beside me, looking straight ahead. As I roll into my park in the shed, my head is filling with many forms of the word; What!?

Image Saint Mary McKillop Facebook page. I had to share this image as it was as I could see her at times haloed with Native flowers especially wattle.

I park my car and turn directly to her, my brain is exploding, I knew her image. I knew who I was looking at, I had seen photos, she had been canonised recently(2010), she is Mary McKillop (MaryMK). I could have touched her, I saw the colour of her skin, the texture of the fabric of her clothes, I could feel her as you feel another person beside you. Her skin so smooth, so fresh and healthy. In shock, the first words out of my mouth were, "What are you doing?"

Now at this time I had not until years later connected the Shrine experience and the MaryMK experience together. Hindsight 20/20. She looked directly at me and replied with a look that could have been a smile.

"Holding the door"

Holding my gaze, she retreated, sitting, through the door until she was standing outside facing me, slightly bowed head hands loosely held in front still holding my gaze with the expression of a smile. Behind her was something indefinable. I could see the contents of the shed but that was not what was behind her. I leaned over the passenger seat to check the passenger door, it looked closed. The door was unlatched and open, able to swing freely. How did I drive all the way from Toowoomba with the door like that and it not opening while driving? The dash usually indicates if the door is open, why didn't I see that? I looked back to her and she was gone.

My head just began filling again, this time with all forms and expressions of the word 'Why?!'

As I walked to the house and into the kitchen my mind was exploding with; Why is a Catholic saint person in my car holding my door? Don't they have other things to do like healing Catholic people in need of healing? Answering Catholic prayers etc. A Saint, are these people real, is this a real thing? Why is a Catholic Saint .....? These questions were the questions that filled me most times. I could not question what had happened though, in no way, Josey. It happened, no question.

And this was in one way, the beginning of the Mary 'adventures'.

Soul Retrieval, Bring a Friend

A thought that drew question from me was that in that experience it didn't warrant, in my view not knowing how Saint operate, enough danger or such to warrant saintly intervention, holding my car door shut that I didn't know what to do with it. So I go on, I chalk it up along with other amazing, gratefully experienced visitations in my life. If nothing else I know MaryMK as a Saint, is real which was warming but unnecessary to me to know. I thought.

About two weeks later I am awoken by a presence entering my room. This happened because light filled the room and woke me up. If anyone knows me, I can't sleep with a speck light on, there had been no light on. The light was a warm rosy gold glow, My room is fully lit somehow.

Into the room enters MaryMK. As I'm registering that, beside her and from her steps Mary Mother of Jesus (MaryMJ). Again I can't mistake these images. The clarity is amazing. I am dumbfounded. They stand side by side.

MaryMJ leads and she is talking to me. They both reach their hands for me to take hold. I reach and take their hands and I step forward out of my body. i feel we move to the enclosed verandah outside the room but it isn't as it seems. I am between the two Marys. We walk for a bit. All the time we are in this warm rosy glowing light. MaryMJ is talking to me the crux of which is that 'it is time'. I step forward from the Marys and I start calling my Grandfather in my voice as a young child. 'Grandad, Grandad, Grandad." over an over. Why call Grandad, I had no idea at the time. It just sort came naturally out, moved within me to do, no thought was given to doing it.

I felt drawn to walk down a corridor. It was the same warm rosy gold colour. It seemed fleshy, live and organic. The walls have ornately framed landscape paintings along the wall at intervals until the corridor curves slightly obscuring the view. The Marys wait at the spot I left them. I stop walking and facing the wall on my right I push my fingers into the wall reaching into the wall. It has substance but no resistance. All the time I am calling Grandad. I feel my hands held by other hands and I pull a figure a being from the wall. it is like a fully grown newborn, transparent skin and bald. It is my Grandad. he looks not as I remember my grandad but he is in all ways my grandad. He is scared, exposed and unable to talk and move. I hold him in my arms, laying him on my lap as I squat down. Ihold him as one would hold a baby and i talk to him holding him in my arms across my lap for what feels an eternity.

It feels as if lifetimes cycle around us as I hold him telling him information he is now able to hear, information with the potential to heal him. As eons feel to pass slowly colour begins to come into his skin. Something in the words I say switches as if a light on. Life and his surroundings begin to take on meaning the brings a change all around, despair leaves his being and he is able to stand beside me. The whole time I feel love.

Instantly a gold light penetrates the whole corridor and we are within this light and in the light it is filled with people. Grandad has no need for me now, he sees people he recognises who are there for him. I recognise some of the people and I know I have never met them in life, they are family members and friends from his life. Others are from even more obscure connections, there is such Joy. Bounding from the people is a golden Labrador who runs up to us. It is Honey his old dog from my childhood. A part of me felt surprised by a pet being present but it felt inevitable as well. Such Joy of reunion all round. Such celebration of connection and healing. It felt very noisy, very bright and amazing. All this time people are moving forward toward and around us.

Then we look to a light elevated above the first opening, brighter like as if you are in the brightest well lit room and someone opened the roof and let the sun in. A large being walks down from the bright place toward where Grandad and I stand. He looks beautiful and we know him, Grandad with total joy calls his name Grandad gave him in life. Davey, Davey. It is who was, my brother David in no way as I remember him. Grandad's Joy elevates him and Grandad walks to him, and they walk together surrounded by all the people into the bright gold light. Joy. Joy. Joy.

I return to the Marys waiting for me at the other end of the corridor. We had an exchange for a moment It just felt joyous love. I then find myself in my bed, the room is still brightly lit this time it is daylight.

The Marys visit together over a couple years. Always with MaryMK first then MaryMJ. At no time did I feel the need to convert to the Catholic version of Faith. Though I was absolutely fascinated that Saints can appear to a Non Catholic. This was the beginning of the appearance of Marys in my life. Not the only visitors but the most mind bending. Appearing clearly to someone who didn't really know or understand if they (saints) were real. Or that the Pope/man had the ability to elevate a soul to this status. I had been skeptical of the whole thing but open to it. It had felt archaic superstition but have to say it has enriched my faith, and somehow necessary to our transit in this lifetime.

I, in no way question the reality or belittle my experiences, again in no way do I need anyone to believe what is written here I share this with love and if there is a potential that this may help others then I trust that this is so.

Best wishes always.